Mid-afternoon Musings: Pushing the Limits

This is a brief and potentially cryptic post.

I am a believer in astrology though an amateur in understanding and utilizing it. As a psychological tool for exploring one's own personality as well as understanding the personalities of others, I find it incredibly useful and accurate. By no means is it deterministic or fatalistic--"you will be X foreveeeeeeeeeeer". Nor is it as simple as the bland fortune cookie clippings you see in the newspaper. But that's a conversation for another time.

Not too long ago I had a Skype horoscope reading with a professional astrologer. The horoscope is any reading of the planets at a specific time--past, present, or future. For understanding one's personality, it is best to start with the natal chart--that shows the position of the planets at the moment of your birth. Sure, it will show where your sun is as well as the other planets too. Thus when people say, "I'm a Leo", they generally refer to the sun sign. But the other planets are influential too and their placement in different signs and other areas (houses) of the chart is significant.

My astrologer took my natal chart and fast-forwarded to the present and then again to the future by making forecasts for the next year. He explained his analysis to me and made a number of important remarks. Chief among his remarks was the observation that "Will isn't actually being Will."

His remark hit me like a sledgehammer. Yet I understood his meaning. He explained that I held myself back from opportunity and risk. At times I reined myself in from processing my emotions and expressing those feelings; my relationships were perhaps not as deep as they could be. I can recall a few times where people were baffled by my seemingly Vulcan countenance: devoid of emotion and feeling possessing only logic and reason. All in all I was overly cerebral with a tendency to play it safe. He was right.

"But Will, you're going to Japan! I don't think you are holding yourself back at all." I absolutely agree. It's a start. What is more important to me is how I will act abroad. I am naturally an introvert: some days it takes a herculean effort to socialize. I am sometimes wary of new activities. Will I be open-minded, expressive, and extroverted abroad? I think I will: my changes are subtle but I have changed over the years. I expect this trend to continue, to grow and develop, to be more expressive with my emotions especially via relationships.

In the future--the time leading up to my departure and my time in Japan itself--people will see new shades of Will. Who knows--some changes may be incredibly surprising. It is all an experiment: making subtle changes here and there to discover my true nature. I'm not afraid of mistakes or failure; that is a basic element of life. I fear never having truly lived.