I need to write. I need to express my emotions. I pondered different ways to do that and decided on uninhibited stream-of-conscious musings. I’m hoping it will be subtly coherent. At least it will be authentic and truthful! I can assure you of that at the very least.
I hit a rut recently. My routine feels mundane. I’m bored of the music I listen to regularly. Even my workouts at the gym, my stress remover and meditational practice, are unsatisfying—RED ALERT! Darth Will emerges.
Darth Will
Darth Will is my name for all my negative qualities personified by one loathsome creature: prickly irritation, self-doubt, apathy and complacency, moodiness, and cold fury if I’m in a really shitty mood. My regular charm and grooviness transforms into this unbearably pessimistic shadow figure. The silver lining is that Darth Will usually puts on a good show: if you’re not the object of his frustration, it can be entertaining from a certain point of view.
Like any ordinary composite volcano, it isn’t a single day that sets Darth Will off but the steady build up of pressure until the cap blows. No single incident makes me unhappy but the confluence of multiple disappointments and setbacks until I melt down. I don’t lash out or anything like that; rather I just retreat to my lair and smolder. This all sounds very dramatic which is my intention exactly. I can be exceedingly dramatic which sometimes helps me enjoy my worst days.
Island Fever
At first I thought I had island fever, which is typically defined as feeling claustrophobic about being surrounded by the ocean and a feeling of disconnection from the rest of the world. Now I just think I have remained in the same place for too long and I need to stretch my legs (on the bigger island of Kyushu). I experienced a similar feeling in Spokane from time to time which prompted sudden departures to Seattle for the weekend. However this time around I will be going to Nagasaki.
I realized I haven’t been off the island since January when I returned from my trip to the U.S. The trip to and from the U.S. was so exhausting that I didn’t want to go anywhere for weeks. After that feeling passed stuff just came up that kept me grounded here. This weekend though I have the chance to get off the island, sightsee, stock up on provisions like clothes and American beer, and maybe even watch a movie.
I plan to meet up with some ALT friends living in the city. One of my teachers, who will be returning to Nagasaki to visit family, offered to show me around Saturday morning/afternoon. I accepted his offer but can’t help but think how generous that offer is when he has family he could see. I’m going to ask his advice about sightseeing places because I have already seen many of the popular destinations.
I am considering watching a movie there. Fukue Island isn’t big enough to have a movie theater so I have to go to Nagasaki. I want to watch “Silence” by Martin Scorsese and starring Adam Drive and Liam Neeson. It tells the story of 17th Christian missionaries searching for their lost mentor in Kyushu, Japan at a time when Christianity was illegal. If I’m not mistaken, the characters even go to Goto in the search for the Kakure (Hidden) Christians; thus part of the movie was filmed on one of the five main Goto islands. The movie is three hours long which is quite the time commitment. I’m still mulling it over.
Quick School Musings
School is swell. School is year around here and the academic year ends in March and begins again in April. I’m beginning to have fewer and fewer classes so I’m coasting at this point. There are many ceremonies and parties to cap off the end of the year, the departure and arrival of new teachers, and the start of the next year. It gives “March Madness” a whole new meaning. So many things are ritualized here that I will have a COPIOUS amount of content for future blog posts. I heard in the next week teachers will be given their new assignments. It is sad to consider saying goodbye to colleagues I have gotten to know over the past six months but it comes with the job. I will have the opportunity to make new friends during my remaining time here in Goto.
I’ll cut it off there. I need to pack before hitting the sack. I don’t know why I dislike packing so much even for trips I enjoy!